So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
