she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
