first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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