Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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