cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was CRYING into my vagina
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
