Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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