apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
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Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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