all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
