I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
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I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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