Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
