I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
