Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
