you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
