Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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