im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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