I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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