Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
