Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
