I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
