I look better un-naked...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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