My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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