so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
