we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
