when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
