his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
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Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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