I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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