Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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