God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
