He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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