My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
