college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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