So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
