I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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