he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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