I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
