My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
