I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
