I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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