Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
