TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm both gender and math confused
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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