So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
