The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
