there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
