I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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