You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
