Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't deserve a penis
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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