Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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