Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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