I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
