YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
