the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
