Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
