So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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