my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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