So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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