i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
