I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
