when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
