I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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