thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
