the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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