I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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