OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
