its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
