Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
