Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
