i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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