Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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