um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
