i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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