i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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