I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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