3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
