just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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