Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
